February 17, 2019
The Heart of Worship
The last few weeks have been distressing. I had mentioned before that we were told my emotions could get out of sorts. Initially, I found that to be true about movies and television. I had thought that this would give way as I recovered, but the opposite is happening. I have sunk into what I assume is depression. It’s good to know that this is not uncommon, but it doesn’t make it feel any better.
Our small group meets every other Sunday night. I love it and the people who surround each other. Group settings, however, have become exhausting. I decided I needed some alone time tonight so I asked Judy to go by herself. As she was driving, she heard a song by Matt Redman that she thought it would be encouraging I listened, and it was. But that sent me looking for videos of Matt Redman, and I was reminded of the song that had significant influence in my life at the turn-of-the-century, the Heart of Worship.
As I watched Matt lead thousands of college-age students, my heart immediately swelled as they were saying the lyrics about the condition of their hearts, ”I’m sorry Lord for the thing I have made it.” I then I asked myself, have I done the same? Have I put myself above what should be the focus of my heart? It is undoubtedly challenging to wake up each day and face the fact that I’m not in charge, that I can’t make individual choices or to do certain things the way I would like them to be done. I keep finding myself grumpy and wanting to retreat. I know better. The fact that I am walking unassisted is a great sign that I am progressing. My heart and mind need to be directed back to what the heart of worship is, and that is Jesus.
In no way has the stroke wrecked my faith. In fact, it has strengthened it. In some ways, it has refocused it. Sometimes when you work in a church professionally, it is easy to get your eyes off of why you are doing what you are doing. I love my job. I love our church, but I would certainly not turn away an opportunity to be in worship service where nobody knows me, nobody notices me, and I could spend an hour uninhibited in God’s presence.
I’m coming back to the heart of worship… I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it it’s all about you Jesus.