July 8, 2019
The wheelchair was put away nearly six weeks ago. I have not given in to the temptation to pull it out. Don’t quickly toss laurels my way; I made sure that it would not be easy to consent to my weakness by storing it in the trunk of the car or at the ever-crowded workroom at church. I would love to say that I am feeling stronger, but that is not the case.
There is not a day that goes by without someone affirming me and saying I’m doing “great.” I am not feeling it. There is no question that I have progressed, but it is so much slower than I ever anticipated. Back in October, I made a goal go to winter camp with my students. As that date grew ever closer, I realized that my attendance was an impossibility. As my students prepare for summer camp, I am in the same situation. I love camp, and I am disappointed about not being able to spend a week at Forest Home with my fifth and sixth graders. I do intend to spend a day and treat them to an Adventure Mountain Sundae. That has been a highlight of Summer camp, and I am excited to share that time with them.
The ninth Commandment says we should not covet (desire or envy) that which others have. The stroke has put me in the on the unenviable place of not wanting material things but rather watching random individuals walking. Most of us would never even give that a second thought, but at least once a day, I will see someone swiftly walking across a room or a jogger on the street, and my heart sinks.
I want to be done.